That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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