i barfeds in our rink
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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