Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
