my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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