I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize