You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So vagazzling was a success
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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