I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize