Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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