my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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