Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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