I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize