I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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