I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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