they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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