Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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