I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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