You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize