And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize