I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize