It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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