i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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