make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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