My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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