mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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