I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize