I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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