hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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