THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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