shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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