I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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