I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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