Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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