In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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