I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize