I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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