: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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