My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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