Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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