You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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