In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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