so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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