Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I just put wine in my tea
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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