i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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