Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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