when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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