the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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