I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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