so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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