I think I died a long time ago.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize