he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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